WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!

Tonight was WONDERFUL!!!! We went and watched "BLIND SIDE". What a phenomenal movie! First off I loved who Sandra Bullock was in this show (a loving mother). Why because almost everything she said or did, I would laugh over, knowing I would do the same thing. Second, there were SO MANY meaningful messages. Having a transracial family, it went through so many of the situations we do face or will face down the road and it accomplished it in such a wonderful way. THIRD, it gave me and Elijah a wonderful opportunity to BOND! I think for the first time Elijah was able to see how LOVED the lead actor was by his WHITE mom and family, how she and they accepted him for who he was and that in the end LOVE is what makes a family!!! This is the message I try to convey to my kids constantly and it was really impactful to see it from another perspective and to top it off to know it's a TRUE STORY!!!!

These past few months have been growing months for Elijah in a lot of ways. Much I won't be able to explain thoroughly for the sake of privacy and respect. But I also want to give other families that adopt transracially an opportunity to learn through our opportunities. I have noticed over the past year Elijah becoming very reserved with me especially and with his family out in public. Over the course of time it became more and more. However at home there was no difference in how he interacted with all of us. I also noticed at this same time how much he would pay attention to families and their racial color when we were in town. I had an idea of what he was going through and just kept it on the top of my mind, knowing that he would have to come to terms with his own thoughts and feelings when he is ready. I always encouraged open discussion and would sometimes ask questions to see if this was the time Lij would be ready to share. Well if there is one thing you know about our family, it's that our kids are VERY CLOSE knit. ELIJAH absolutely adores his little brother and sister. Every day after school as soon as he run into the house, he gets a bite to eat and immediately plays with Zyan and Livy. He really loves it as much as they do. On Halloween I went to the school parade and then to visit my kiddos in their classrooms. Me and Livy and Zyan were just leaving Camry's class when we ran into Lij in the hallway with his classmates playing a game. Livy did her usual, she ran up to Lij, all excited calling his name, and wrapping her arms around him to give him a huge squeeze. Lij froze with a look of panic and shock on his face. I was then shocked and proceed to give the encouraging look, LIKE YOU BETTER LOVE YOUR LIL SIS RIGHT BACK! He graciously gave her a slight hand stroke across her back and we went on our way. That whole afternoon I was plagued with so many thoughts and concerns of why Lij would treat his sister that way. I know most of you might be thinking, he's a boy and he's probably just embarrassed to be hugged by his sister and believe me that's what I had been telling myself the entire time too. But a mother's gut instinct always knows best. Plus that look that he gave of shock and panic wasn't only about his sister, I knew it had to do with me as well. Of course I got home and started to go through the whole thing again in my head, throwing out there all the excuses that he could possibly have. I prayed and then I knew I just needed to wait and talk to him about it. For the sake of time and writing. It came out that night that he was embarrassed by his white family. He wasn't sure what everyone at school would think, if they were to see that his family was all white. This didn't shock me. I must admit it did hurt a little. I am a VERY sensitive person, I keep telling myself that this wasn't about me and I knew it wasn't but I had a sense of fear that he might not accept me for who I was, his white mom. But I got past it knowing that it was about Elijah. I also knew it was fair. I have always been able to tell Elijah how much I love him, that he was chosen. That I love him for who he is. WE DID CHOOSE ELIJAH, but only in HEAVEN did he choose us, knowledge he didn't bring to earth. I GET THAT!!! I also get that no of us choose our parents, so you can ask why would it matter. Well most of us have parents that resemble us in appearance, speech, we know we grew in their tummy, we have pictures of our beginning. For Elijah this is all very different from how most of us started our journey here and how we live it daily. I know what caused all of Elijah's questions of his differences was our move from Arizona to Idaho. In Arizona he was Elijah, and everyone knew him and loved him for who he was. That's all they knew since they had grown up with him from a young age and that's all he knew. In Idaho he become the BROWN KID, the BLACK KID, the DIFFERENT KID. This started having him question himself and his family. We have had NUMEROUS talks which I am so grateful for. He's honest with me and I love that. From those many talks I can say that Lij LOVES who he is. He KNOWS he's handsome. But he hadn't learned to have confidence in who is family is. I have explained to him that "LOVES MAKES A FAMILY". Can LOVE always give him what he's missing or needs, no not all the time, but it is very important when delivering the truth and helping Elijah come to terms with reality. The next few days after Halloween I could tell Elijah was doing a lot of thinking. And in the middle of Walmart he came up to each one of us individually, hugged us and said he was proud to have us as his family and that he was happy to show it. Tonight only reconfirmed that multiplied by 10. We sat arm in arm or hand in hand for the first part of the movie. At one point I had to get up and hold Livy in the walkway. Elijah came up and asked me if I could or would go back and sit with him. As a mother I am so grateful for the producers and directors of this show. I don't know if they will ever completely know the profound impact that this movie will gladly have on many families and people everywhere.